Scratch That

This isn't the first list I've had on here. Do I care? A bit. Enough to edit previous lists to demonstrate, in their titles, that they do, in fact, precede this one? Nope. Hello, and welcome to my blog, occasional whirlpool of laziness, ignorance, and existential crises.  Like many other people, I have periodic emotional/existential calamity, in which the main issue, that grim problem from which all the other problems stem, is:  1. Not knowing what is wrong, and  2. Having the frantic need to do something about it... EVEN though you don't know what "it" is The episode is usually followed by Why was that such a big deal? You didn't need to overreact so much...  This situation invariably repeats itself. And we humans, or really, most living things, will invariably learn from repetition.  Yesterday I trekked with my energy beast  dog to a very green (important) location and composed this list in actual-pen-and-paper fashion (also important).

I don't remember writing this, but I know You were watching over my shoulder, Love.  ... speak to me, Lord,  and give me ears. feed me,  and grant me guts. heal me. be my lungs my air my water my thirst, my humility. show me what it is to love well. i hope this isn't just a sentiment, but really, You're the one who transforms  nothing  into  everything. i'm not trying to be mad at You, but You're perfect, and i'm not, and i'm feeling it. maybe this is just me being emotional again  but i want to  come home and be not trying to be  mad at you  while i see you. don't let me be uptight, PLEASE. teach me Your perspective:  help me see in hearts, not hours in minds, not minutes, souls, not seconds. cut to the quickest.

So I know there was a "new blog" thing earlier, that didn't come to anything... let's try not to repeat that with this new one, shall we? I have a new WordPress blog/site geared toward students and hard workers here .  It's there for people to take a constructive, purposeful break. So far, I'm still figuring out how to do a lot of things, but please check it out if you have a moment or two.  As a result of this, I also have created a study playlist on Spotify with my absolute absolute absolute favorite chill/folk/feels/rainy day.... It's a genre, I promise. You'll find the link on the website. Thanks.

This post was written late last night by tired, determined hands and hesitantly transcribed here with minimal editing. My heart is shaking. It's personal. Tread respectfully. i embrace warm weather with a clasp of familiarity- it's a love given to things small, easily secreted away to cherish. in the winter, i miss it for the light things, the soft whispers- like leaving the window open to hear life upon life, ignoring you. to be ignored, or similar, acknowledged with mutual respect and moved on from; you have become the recurring memory of dreams, dear crickets, and i love you if only for the fact my mind needs something small and beautiful to ignore. i need the green, if only because the absence of green would stab me, over and over like rusted pins, until infection would spell a fragile mind and emotion. i want the whisper of well worn words, mellowed - not stale - wafting like the lull of cicadas and sounding of hickory and stout ale and laughter and grubby fing